Childhood Images and Deeper Desires

I remember being about 12 years old sitting in church, looking at the statues, listening to the choir and feeling that life must be about something really, really important...that there must be something incredible I was supposed to know, to feel. I assumed it must have been related to God, love, truth...the usual suspects!

I also remember feeling afraid, because I didn’t see those amazing ideals and concepts manifesting around me. I had a sense that no one was going to be able to help me. I would ask and the answers would be "just believe" or "it’s a mystery."

Worst of all: "After you die."

YIKES, you’re kidding? What a bummer for a little kid!

Don't mistake my point. I'm not anti-religion. That has it's place and for some, it's a meaninful and personal choice. What I'm addressing here has no comparison to what religion teaches or offers. It's apples and oranges. Religion and faith simply didn't satisfy the deepest needs I felt inside. My memories of images like the one above are fond ones. That was something very inspiring when I was young. Some of the finest people I know practice a religion and since that never promised me a heaven on Earth, no harm, no foul.

What I've found, though, is that what was longed for all those years ago is indeed possible; that I wasn't just some nutty kid with larger than life fantasies, looking for something that didn't exist for me in this lifetime. I have been fortunate to find something that allows me to feel that heaven, not after, but while I'm alive; while I can be sure; while I can enjoy.

I'm glad I never gave up looking and asking, because now I can swim in an ocean of answers. Now I can feel something, a practical experience, and with that...the longing of that little girl, that longing that never left, is now completely satisfied.