Identifying Myself: Adding by Subtracting

In thinking about the growth of my understanding of society and identity, I have delved deep within the grasps of insanity. Reaching within myself, through agony and happiness, time and time again, I have stared myself blankly at my own face absentmindedly. The vicissitude of my deeper understanding in my true identity was an arduous path that was clouded by temporary upbringings, which defocused me from the present, holding onto my history, which falsely defined me, and wishful goals, directing me to live in the future. This is part of the evolution of growth of one’s true identity. Character (or personality), is the definition of one’s values that is an additive of all values internally and externally influenced. This is the nature of humanity, building upon layers and layers of definition.

In life, we have to learn to let go in order to realign ourselves with deeper understanding of our identity. Dropping all biases. All ego. Living in the present. Subtracting all that we think we are, and just be. Through my experience in letting everything go, it is hard, at first, to understand and complete this task. Doing this task is to loose all values which leads to uncertainty. No meaning. Lost. Confusion. Most that feel this tend to retort back to the very definitions that dictate the additive nature of one’s character. An egocentric and innate emotion – fear - drives us from reaching our true identity. This is a general statement, as to there are some individuals whom were raised with such understanding that it has become their nature from birth. Even though it may have been learned by them, one time in their lifespan, they will have gone through the losing of one’s self due to the harshness of the growing experience of humanity, unless these individuals live in seclusion all their life.

In order to understand myself - my true identity - I had to subtract all that was in order to add all that I am, living my life in the present. Just because I have accomplished this major hurdle in life, it doesn’t mean that I will never have to practice this again. It will be a lifetime exercise that I am willing to live by because it enables me to live life to the fullest. Live life in the present. Experience controllable and incontrollable imagination like a child looking at the clouds associating shapes and creating shapes. And comprehend the most incomprehensible aspects of life.

-Oliver Bulfango (January 28, 2009)