How do we find peace with others who don't want to do things the peaceful way?
I have been trying forever to conduct myself peacefully with my exhusband in a peaceful manner for the sakes of our children, but with his golden tongue which I do not have he's been able to turn lies into what the world sees as truths. When I am around him, I must admit, the peacefulness in me is lost. Can someone help me please.
Chris
Chris
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by MiraCulous on
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"The more Past you have with a person, the more you have to be Present"
thats what Eckhart Tolle says. I know that can be difficult. It really requires a whole lot of presence to be patient and calm with a person that upsets you, especially the type of person who seems to know exactly what to do to set you off. You have to realize that no one can make you feel angry or hurt or upset without your permission.
"He who angers you conquers you" (~Elizabeth Kenny) and you certainly don't want to give that person the power they would like to think they have.
And why would you want to upset yourself anyway? get your blood pressure up and take on that awful pain. You have better thing to do like laugh and enjoy your inherited right of peace and joy at all times. Don't let anyone take that away from you....
Learn from the past and not repeat it, b/c it is basically the same argument over and over, resurfacing in different ways/ issues. You are probably the more conscious person in this situation, so unfortunately/ or fortunately, however you look at it, you have to be the one to not let it escalate. Do not fuel the fire by throwing sticks into it. Just let it go and say "whatever". Realize this person is probably hurting inside. "Hurt people, Hurt people"
Take this as a "test" situation, see how can you handle what life has given you with this relationship, like "life" purposely gave it to you, to see what you would do with it. How well can you handle it? Do you use the problem to rise up and become better? to Build up your patience skills? to practice loving kindness instead of retaliation ;-)
Always take the high road. And although I do not like to use the world "kill", but the old saying is "kill them with kindness", and what you are really killing is their ego so in a way you are soothing their soul.
Later, they will thank You. And if they don't you will be thanking yourself. For transmitting light into the darkness. For easing despair with hope. And sowing love where this is hatred.
You may even help the other person by helping yourself, he then changes to adapt to your peaceful ways ;)
"We teach people how to treat us"
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Excerpt from "Worker in the Light", By: George Noory and William J. Birns
"No matter who and no matter what, when someone bears you ill will, malevolence strong enough it effect your mind--and we know how possible that is--you have got to have a kind of spiritual kung fu with which to defend yourself. Maybe it is your boss. Maybe it's someone you call a friend, but who is so negative that you are afraid to confront them. Or maybe it is a parent or relative. It can also be an enemy who actively and aggressively sends you negative energy, just because that person wants you to suffer.
The most common negative energy you will encounter in your life is simply that from a toxic individual. What is your defense? I cite the last line from one of my favorite poems, "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight," --"Honi soit qui mal y pense." The phrase, more of an admonition than anything else, means that evil will come to him who thinks evil.
So if you find a way to not think evil thoughts (or let others negative thoughts/ intentions, have an effect on you), you will have a defense the coming of evil. How is this a defense against someone sending evil thoughts your way? It works because the sender of evil thoughts has projected himself into your mind. Your boss, for example, becomes a negative voice in your thoughts, challenging you, telling you you're not good enough, belittling you. So how do you keep him out of your thoughts? Send him love and good wishes. It's a way to keep him out of your mind. He pops up, give him love, he goes away.
If he pops up and you take the time and energy to send him hate, he wins because he has engaged you. Picture this, You're happy. You've seen a nice movie, had a nice evening, maybe met someone you like, and now your day is over, you're going off to bed. Oops, in pops, Mr. Bad Boss. You interrupt your happy thoughts and engage this image. You counter ill will with your ill will. Mr. Bad Boss has effectively gotten in the way of your happiness and made you mad, made you hate, made you concentrate on evil. He wins.
This type of person succeeds not by being evil but by conning you into doing something evil to counter him. They force you to relinquish your happy self in order to deal with him. That's a victory.
Now turn this around. Mr. Bad Boss pops up again and instead of sinking right into the battle with him in your mind so as to compromise your own happiness, realize in that moment that it's all in your mind. You're the one puffing up Mr. Bad Boss into an oversized monster. Send him away with love all over him. Plaster him with love signs. You will send him away because you don't want that image in your mind.
In this way, you've recognized that when evil pops up (in your head or in the physical realm), you tend to enlarge it by acknowledging it and giving it an entree. Swathe it with love first, bathe it and you with white light, and it will go away.
It is a kind of antimissile missile shield. Because ultimately Love Conquers All, when you send thoughts of love towards the source sending negativity in your directions, regardless of the intensity, love will send them away while providing you with a mechanism that prevents you from feeding the enemy. It is in its most basic terms, "Love thine Enemy."
And by refusing to get down in the ditch of hate with them, you defeat them. Feelings of Love wash away sensations of anxiety and healing comes about, by directing / focusing your consciousness on the light and on the love so as to prevent you from being taken over by agents of the darkness.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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I am trying so hard to "keep my cool" around him, but he has my children and they are now cutting themselves and thinking of suicide in his home. They are my angels, 13 and 14. Me keeping my peace may end up killing my girls. I hate to say this but this time he wins, because I am getting a lawyer and going for broke with him. My girls lives are literally at risk. He sees the world through rose colored glasses, which at times can be great, but this is so serious that he needs to take all blinders off and look. The courts have taken his word, to the point I see my girls for 24 hours every other weekend... and in that little 48 hr time I can see them better than he can. What can I do but go after my girls to save them?
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Permalink Reply by Yaron Fishman on
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Hi Christine...
I'm sorry that you're having these challenges...it's obvious that you love your children very much. As you probably know, teenagers want to know that they are being truly listened to...they want to know they are loved, and understood...they want to know that their parents can relate to them. I think them cutting themselves is a cry for attention...as though they're saying "I'm here! Listen to me! My feelings matter!".. Perhaps you could say something like "I understand that being your age can be very challenging...and I also went through some hard times as a teenager. At times I used to feel like I wasn't ever being understood or listened to. Do you ever feeI like that?...I want you to know that I love you very much and I am here to listen to you."
Perhaps you could communicate with with your ex-husband by saying something like "I understand that you love our children very much just like I do, and I do appreciate all the good things you do for them...but the reason I am concerned about them is because.....". By starting it off like that he may be a little less defensive, and more open to listening. Remember that anything negative that people do or say comes from a place of fear, so it's often helpful to remind them that you are aware of the love and compassion that is within them.
That's my advice based on the little bit that I know about your situation, but I think another thing to consider is finding a good counselor who specializes in these situations. Also, here's a video about listening to children that I think might be helpful (part of it is about younger children, and another part of it is about teenagers)...
I hope some of this helps you Christine...
thank you for sharing, and I'm sending my love out to you and your family...
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Thank you for your love and understanding. The girls do know they can talk to me, my eldest especially. I am VERY open minded and they both know that I am always hear and want to listen, that I have been there and I get it. As far as the approach with my ex, I've done that too. Both girls were put in a hospital, at different times and Mom here was the LAST to know. I told him I was worried, that there were signs before the cutting began. My oldest, scared her beautiful face up with the obession to pick at it until it was covering half her cheek. My youngest, I guess you would just have to be paying attention, which I was... told him of my concerns long before the cutting began, "she's a kid, she'll be fine". Or when the oldest a year ago had blood coming out of her ear and a bumped behind it "she'll get better". But of course he now has a "new family" and if the baby gets sick, he goes to the doctor. Go, just look at my daughters, MY SPACE or FB, I will give you my email so you can link up to theirs. See what they say about life, it's scarey, and I have been the one who's the girls as we kindly put it have been grounded for. I need a lawyer!!! They need to be with me so I can make sure that they won't hurt themselves. I'm hear to listen always.
byzdream@hotmail.com their last name is Brandon
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hmmm...
have you considered getting assistance from a counselor who specializes in working with divorced parents and their children too? I think it's possible that part of your children's stress is related to the friction (and communication challenges) between their mom and dad. There are counselors who specialize in situations like yours... they help create more healthy communication which leads to happier, more balanced lives for everyone. Do you think this approach might be worth a try?
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Uummmm, yes..... , through his mother who I HAD great respect for, and it worked for a while, and now we are in the "court" process of doing this. I do believe part of my youngest's stress has to do with Mom and Dad here. Which is why I put on my happy face when she's around, and say nothing about her father.
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I am so sorry Christine. I had no idea the of the scope of the situation....I understand how hard it is...I come from a broken family and grew up in a household with domestic violence and emotional abuse. It is very hard on the children, no matter what age.
If there is anything I can do to help, please do not hesitate to ask. I am here for you and your children. I was a teenager not too long ago and I know what a rough time that can be, for everyone in the family.
Sending All of You Healing Energies of Peace, Love & Light♥
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I am the sponge!!!!! My entire life, it feels good to be validated!
Thank you,
Chris
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so am I...I used to come home from being "out" and feel so "drained"...I do not like to be in very crowded places for this reason, wherever I go though, I now know what I need to do to protect myself....it can be wonderful to be an "Intuitive Empath" and sometimes be very difficult. It is much easier to embrace all the goodness that comes along with it and also know what to avoid, after learning more about these subjects.
If I may recommend Dr.Orloff's books, "Positive Energy" and "Emotional Freedom", they are very helpful ;-)
"Why should there be hunger and deprivation in any land, in any city, at any table, when man has the resources and the scientific know-how to provide all mankind with the basic necessities of life?"
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
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