The Process of My Thoughts

I am sitting on a bench at the smoking area in front of the University Campus Library in Broward College. Although I am not smoking, I feel a sudden rush of thought surge through my brain thinking of the urge to smoke. I will not fall for it. Mere thoughts have been controlling my realities. Insanity. I will beckon to the very whims of all my thoughts. Instead, I choose to step back and observe them. Account for all of them and put them away like a tired librarian putting up books in a college library rushing to a freshly cooked dinner after a long day's work. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and clear my thoughts.

As I opened my eyes, I notice little oblong green leaves about the size of a quarter randomly dispersed naturally by the nature of gravity and wind on the red brick floor. There are several larger leaves, but not many. They were probably taken away by the earthly element: wind. Funny how this proves to be true. The more definition one makes in life, the easier to loose one's place in his surroundings. In contrast, the smaller leaves stay put while knowing their very true essence. It will take a stronger force of wind velocity to sweep them from their position. Ironic.

Slowly, my vision rise from the floor to look at the sky taking in the green grass field along the way. It is a beautiful day. Cumulous clouds visible spread out to allow the blue sky to shine down on us with it's heavenly nature. Staring up at the sky and feeling the breeze tricks me into feeling that I am a cloud myself. Forgetting about the brown bus station-like bench grounding me to the earth, my imagination took it's course. Even though there is space between the sky and me, we are still connected by the very atoms between us. The cloud is me. I am the cloud. We are of earthly elements. Taking a deeper breath, rejuvenation is felt with every clean intake of fresh air. Again, my eyes close and begin to drift in thought.

With my vision impaired by my eye lids, I can hear a plane fly over head. As it's distant sound becomes stronger, I realize conversations filling my ears. Spanish. English. Laughters. Feeling like a bat in a cave, I can distinctly determine the direction of where all of these conversations were originating from. Focusing on each and every word articulated, I allow my imagination to paint a portrait of the visible reality. Colors swirl to shape regular everyday thoughts of a college community. Recognizing this bias, I allowed myself to feel the breeze blow on my face with the trees rustling in the wind. I was in a palace above the sky with leaves falling everywhere and nowhere. People were floating with laughter. With conversations. These angelic visions of a more then natural world with my imagination luring me to a world with no constraints and with endless possibilities.

I took another deep breath and slowly opened my eyes to return from an eventful voyage of the mind. I held these visions in my mind and let it linger for a few more seconds. The site of reality merging with the reality of my mind I found quite paradoxical. I live in a tangible reality with intangible perceptions, but what I perceive becomes more of a reality to me then that what is seen. What everyone perceives is their own reality. We are bounded by all physicality's of this world merging with our own personal realities. Sometimes we find others who want to share our realities with another like the group behind me towards my left whom are laughing with each other. Other times, people share their realities through a cell phone in spanish with an intangible voice allowing the mind to think of the tangible physicality of the other.

-Oliver Bulfango (January 26, 2009)