i carry your heart

I visited my best friend yesterday. It's been sometime since I visited her last. I think I've only been there once since the return from my bicycle trip. I didn't plan on going there and I was a little hesitant when the idea popped into my head. I've been doing really good lately and I didn't want to stir up emotions that may still be laying dorment in my mind.

It was my first official day working with the Springfield Symphony Orchestra. Since they hired me as their "Musical Petting Zookeeper" I've been fixing the instruments, getting the cleaning materials organized, making phone calls and emails to clients and preparing my presentation script. But yesterday was the big day to see if all my work would pay off. I visited two schools in a row, for preschool and kindergarden aged children, and taught them about the different instruments from an orchestra then they got to play them. It was so fun seeing these little kids playing the cello and violins, the tuba and trombone, banging on the glockenspiel and triangle and waving the conductors baton around.

Since I've taken my new direction in my work with magic I've had little interest in performing magic for children. I've rather moved the focus of my work to inspirational programs to motivate the participants to go after the life they were born to live. But this music program perfectly into my new vision, allowing me to do the magic I want to do instead of the magic that I have to do.

In 2007 when my best friend and I got engaged I decided that I wanted to be with her more than I wanted to be a magician so I decided that I would pursue a career in music, as a teacher first then become a conductor of a symphony orchestra (a man has a right to dream!) When she passed away soon after all dreams died and that's when I became acquanted with my dark night.

Inspired by the desire to leave the darkness I slowly began to heal and have been in the Light for over three and a half months now. Interestingly it coincides with the release of my book which details my experinece in the darkness. Now, nearly three years later, I have my job with the symphony and am able to inspire young people by teaching them about music and no longer have to perform magic to support myself. Instead of marrying my best friend I have married my two passions, enabling me to maintain artistic integrity with all my work while helping, teaching and healing those around me.

That is why I went to see Stephanie yesterday. It used to be that when such wonderful things happened I would call her or go to her apartment and share with her my excitement. So I just had to go and, for the first time in such a long time, share my joy instead of my sadness, grief and despair like all my former visits to her grave.

I am so happy that I have her. I am so happy that she is my Guardian Angel. I am so happy that we get to do great things now, things that we wouldn't have been able to do if it worked out any other way. For I carry her heart with me (I carry it in my heart).

With Abundant Peace, Love and Light-

Jonas

http://www.jonascain.com

i carry your heart with me

by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)