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How do we find peace with others who don't want to do things the peaceful way?

I have been trying forever to conduct myself peacefully with my exhusband in a peaceful manner for the sakes of our children, but with his golden tongue which I do not have he's been able to turn lies into what the world sees as truths. When I am around him, I must admit, the peacefulness in me is lost. Can someone help me please.

Chris

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I would also like to recommend Donna Eden's books Energy Medicine and Energy Medicine for Women. Her "Daily Energy ROutine" is an excellent daily balancing which concludes with 'zipping up' your energies via Central and Governing Meridians ( Chinese Medicine calls them 'strange flows'). This helps seal in your energies and also seals out intrusive energies.
Keeping good grounding is one of the most effective methods of keeping others out of your energy fields.
Sounds like a book I should live by!
The only way to combat that kind of bitterness is first of all let him know that you are not his enemy and that both your goals is your children's well being. Be vigilant in assertting that that is your only reason for communicating. Refuse to get off that focus. Smile at his attempts to steer you off the subject. Remain firm, calm and centered and you will prevail.
It seems to me that you may have run into an energy vampire as an ex....not a good thing. May I suggest that before any encounters with him you empower yourself. Imagine a bright white light around you....as bright and as big as you can make it....then feel yourself walking "above" his playing field....accept nothing that you have any doubt about....and be strong. I don't know what the issues are, but he is entitled to be an individual with his own opinions....but that does not mean you have to share those opinions or have them imposed upon you by your ex. Realize this, tell him this, and feel free to have your own opinions on the issues!!

Good Luck....and Blessings,

Leandra
Thank you!! And I will do as you suggested, it sounds like a positive thing to do.
I have come to the realization that I have a couple negative people who are energy vampires around me and I am getting them out of my life. It is hard because I've been living with and loving one, but all it has done is bring my energy down and negative, and I'm not going to live that way. I want peace.
As far as the ex goes, he too is and energy vampire but I do have to deal with him for my children, I am doing a lot of meditating, positive thinking, peaceful thoughts trying to not let him or anyone else keep bringing me down.
I am keeping to MY beliefs that PEACE is the way to live and be happy.
I with all my heart wish that this entire world could be positive, be peaceful, what a wonderful world it would be.

Thank You,
Christine
Dear Chris,
Your story is heartbreaking. Anybody who reads this would want to help you, but what can we say to help?
I am going to be frank, and I hope that you understand that I do so with your best interests at heart. But it may be painful to read some of this...

a) First of all, you say that your daughters live with him. This is unusual (usually courts award custody to mothers, and I would have thought that that was especially true with teenage girls) and that makes me ask "Why?" Now I know that the courts are prejudiced against some situations that I and many others would have no problem with (for example, lesbian mothers, or those who smoke a little pot, are "unsuitable to bring up children"). There are also cases of mothers who have relinquished custody to their exes... and then lived to regret it, wanting to get their children back. The ex then has the argument: "You abandoned them!"
You don't explain WHY the girls live with their father. But you do say that he has a way with words, and can convince others of your unsuitability as a mother, so I assume that it WAS a court decision. In this case, you first need to look very honestly at the reasons the court had to award custody to him. Do you drink yourself unconscious from time to time? (I'm NOT trying to be nasty here, honestly. I had a good friend who lost custody of her twin boys and took to the bottle to "drown her sorrows"... which didn't help her chances of getting them back. I give this as just one example of why a court MIGHT deny you custody. It is possible to be a drinker AND love your children [and I'm NOT assuming that this is your case] but try telling the courts that.)
If you look honestly at the reason that the court denied you custody, and find that it has some basis in fact, your first priority is to work on yourself. Become worthy of your children.
If it DOESN'T have any basis in fact; if the reason is some prejudiced garble such as anti-lesbian dogma; or once you HAVE become worthy, your next step is to get those girls away from him.
(Being interested in children's rights, I should have said that the first priority is getting them away from him, especially if they're cutting themselves. BUT - unless you're considered "suitable", they MIGHT get put into an institution or foster homes. And THEN, getting them back might be more difficult. YOU have to decide whether it's in their long-range interests to postpone their leaving their present situation until YOU are sure that you're ready to have them.)

Chris, what I'm writing is maybe a load of mumbo jumbo nonsense. but you haven't given enough details for me to be able to give you more precise advice, so I'm trying to cover as many possibilities as possible.

b) You have to be brutally honest with yourself: Are the girls cutting themselves because of the way their father treats them, because of general pubescent problems, because of the tension between your ex and yourself, or is it some other reason? In short, is living with you going to remove the stress and self-hate that they're dealing with now... or just shift it into your home? Too often, children get used as emotional footballs in a crazy game of got-to-win!!! between parents (both separated AND those who stay together unhealthily.) Don't play games like that with them. Refuse to play when he wants to.

c) Again, brutal honesty: Are you addicted to relationships with people who do you no good? You write: "I have a couple negative people who are energy vampires around me and I am getting them out of my life. It is hard because I've been living with and loving one" [that is: aside from your ex.] If this is the case, you really need to learn to love yourself... and learn to believe that you deserve to be treated better. You are doing no favour to your daughters if you set an example of "I deserve to be treated like dirt." In my story Ella Of The Cinders, Ella says: "[...] I'd still have learned My lesson: I'm important to Myself."

Chris, I wish you all the best. And I wish your daughters the best. I send you energy for the coming struggle. I know the sort of people that you describe your ex to be. They are dangerous, and they often win. Don't allow his anger and his criticising to get you down. Be strong... for your daughters, but especially for yourself. And wear Peace like a mantle. Don't get dragged down to his level.
The honest questions posed to Chris here are important and helpful, if she or anyone involved in negativity and drama choose to look inward and allow some serious questioning of themselves. In my own life, most of my problems came from choices I made (not things like health necessarily, but relationships for sure).

Best to all
I have over the years had to take some very hard looks at myself, my decisions, and my choices in life to find myself here. Yes I have made mistakes when it comes to my girls. After my exhusband walked out on us, and yes I do mean us, for that is exactly what he did. I found myself extremely depressed, anxietous and down out right, not liking myself, and it just hit me one day that I (we) did not need him to be a family. That was a happy time in my life. Shortly after 9/11, I lost my job (due to 9/11), lost a love one and lost my health, all in the matter of a couple months. I ended up struggling finacially, but mostly with my health. I had pnuemonia for over 2 years, it would get better for a little while and as soon as I was taken off the antibiotics would get it back. After close to 2 years of trying to be the best Mom I could be to my little girls and my older son, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired... I had my ex Mom in law, whom I love and trusted with all my heart offer to help. It was only supposed to be for a "little while" while I could finally get some rest and recouperate. However, but the time my health got better (it'sbeen atleast 6 years now) my Mom in law had my children in a private, great school. (and just FYI I spent most weekends with my girls during this time, I never gave up on "us" I did not want to interupt their lives, as they were very well adjusted, happy girls. So I let them stay with her. Spending every minute, and most of my money with them.
After a couple years my exhusband remarried (pretty good girl from what I could tell) plus being told this from his family who I very much trusted, and as someone on here asked, yes I was making horrible relationship decisions... one right after another. All with good intentions, but it has yet to be a good thing for me. Anyway, the private school my girls where attending ended at 6th grade, therefore we (being my exmother in law, my ex and his wife, and myself) needed to figure out where the girls should go. I knew I couldn't bring them home for me for I was at that time was working my butt off to get out of a abusive relationship. So they went to their father's. With my eyes wide open, I had been watching him, and it had seemed that he was being a better person than the man that walked out on us in the first place. I even then had my doubts but just simply wanted what was best for them. That is how they ended up with their father.
I have truly had to look inward, hold myself accountable for my choices. My children know I love them more than life itself. I think the cutting had to do with many factors, including my decision making, but also to my ex's as well, as teenage issues. I just felt (still feel) that if my ex did not look at the world as he does, sometime with rose colored glasses that this could have been prevented. I told him that they both were having issues and all I would get back was "they're teenagers" or "they're kids they are fine". I was ignored because "I didn't know what I was talking about" but I was a teenage girl, I understand what they go through just being that.
They are doing well now, atleast better. No more cutting, but talking instead. Yes they both are still effected by their father and I not getting along, I do try, however for my girls. I ignore what any one of you would, I'm sure, would find, many harassing emails from him, almost on a daily basis. They both have the "typical teenage issues", but are learning better ways of dealing with them. They are my heart and soul.
That is an excellent ?
This is a great question. Although I have a lot of answers, it's different in practice.
One thing that helps me to remember is "Communication equals less violence" but we can't force things or it produces the contrary.
Hi Christine,

It has been long time you posted this topic. I haven t been there for a while. I believe you solved this problem already, but anyway I want to mention that I had the same problem. I walked away and prayed for him. That is all you can do. I also read that woman was praying for her husband for years till he became so loving and supportive. So I would say that the prayer is the best healing process for all.

Regards,

Antica

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