Nothing to prove

Last night was stressful.

I work eight and a half hours a week at Fresh Acres in Springfield, MA and last night there was a threat of an upcoming inspection by headquarters. The inspection would test the quality of my work
according to sanitation requirements.

All night I was checking and double checking that my work was completed flawlessly so that no marks could come against me. I felt like I was trying to prove something to them when I
know with my Being that I’ve nothing to prove.

My words are my words. My deeds are my deeds. My no means no and my yes means yes.

Surely I understand that these inspections must be done for quality control but I just don’t appreciate the pressure. Yet once I reminded myself that the inspection will happen whether I
get stressed out or not I calmed down and just did what I had to do.

Worry and anxiety has never added a single minute to life.

After work I drove to the Hampshire Mall to see ”Hereafter” at Cinemark but when I arrived at the theatre and walked to the mall doors I knew that I would not see the movie. I knew that
I had no right in my current financial state to give any amount of money to see
a movie, regardless of my interest in it. And regardless of the fact that I
just drove forty minutes to the theatre just to see the movie. But I approached
the ticket window anyway, knowing I would only reject the movie. I saw the
movie time. Only a half hour wait. The window attendant didn’t even acknowledge
me. Then I walked away, got in my car and drove the forty minutes back to
Springfield to spend time with my friend Dave Halfpenny. I do not see this trip
as a waste of time and gas, rather I see it as a lesson. A lesson revealing to
me what I must do the next time I want something that I do not deserve.

That night I dreamed that my loved ones had been here before. Many times before. We left the other side of the veil at different times throughout the span of time and all eternity and
would arrive safely on Earth and then back again with new faces and experiences.
Yet even with the new faces we knew who we all were. We knew that we so loved
each other. We sat quietly in our living room, like the Simpsons upon arriving
home after all their doings and responsibilities were done. We came home to be
with each other again.

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