Today I woke up with the scariest thought. All night I had dreamed about the demise of a person who caused me great joy, then great pain. Just before I woke up, in the dream I was told that he had committed suicide. Now it was just a dream, but the feelings that it brought up in me were of sadness, guilt, shame, and strangely relief. In real life I had been betrayed and violated by this person, and so when I made a life altering decision to remove him from my life by most all extensions, I began to feel better about life and about myself. I am wondering though about that sensation of relief. I don't want to be one of those people who has had someone hurt them, and becomes bitter and selfish and UGLY inside and out. I want to forgive. My problem though may be that I have not forgiven myself for allowing him to violate me and my family in the ways that he did. How can I ever forgive him? How can I ever forgive myself?

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I think one good practice for forgiveness is to truly focus on and embrace the hurt you feel. Don't let it slip from your mind. Embrace it more closely each moment, understanding that it cannot really hurt you, as you will always be as you were created by God - whole, loved and loving.
This understanding can transform hurt to gratitude, as gratitude is most appropriate and natural feeling one can feel in response to what the universe has given you.

Also remember that those who don't live in the light live in fear, and in their fear they are not sane. They hurt terribly, and can only give hurt. But it is a request for love. When you see the wretchedness of those in darkness, your heart will be moved to tenderness for them. When you feel that tenderness, you will know you are healed because you have forgiven.


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