Today I woke up with the scariest thought. All night I had dreamed about the demise of a person who caused me great joy, then great pain. Just before I woke up, in the dream I was told that he had committed suicide. Now it was just a dream, but the feelings that it brought up in me were of sadness, guilt, shame, and strangely relief. In real life I had been betrayed and violated by this person, and so when I made a life altering decision to remove him from my life by most all extensions, I began to feel better about life and about myself. I am wondering though about that sensation of relief. I don't want to be one of those people who has had someone hurt them, and becomes bitter and selfish and UGLY inside and out. I want to forgive. My problem though may be that I have not forgiven myself for allowing him to violate me and my family in the ways that he did. How can I ever forgive him? How can I ever forgive myself?